Fcked up Reunion
by Evolution In The Dark
Summary: Lydia receives an unexpected high school reunion invitation but her classmates aren't the only ones she reunites with. *Harsh Language Warning" I didn't name this story F*cked up for nothing.
1. Chapter 1

**F*cked up Reunion**

**Chapter 1**

Lydia Deetz, now a full grown woman, entered the main area of a New York apartment. Adulthood became a somewhat lonely existence for Lydia, everybody with conflicting schedules and rare phone calls; and of course she expected this from her busy father, but never from her best ghostly friend. Ever since her sophomore year in college, Lydia has call his name but he never appeared; not right before her or even through a mirror, nothing. It was like he was erased from the face of all existence. But Lydia has always pressed on looking greatly on the future and with that she continued with her life.

Lydia entered her home, apartment number 705, with groceries in hand. She looked to her roommate Star, a friend she grew to know in college, who was already cooking dinner. "Mmm… What's that?" Lydia asked delighted by the pleasant aroma.

"Rainbow Trout" Star replied and gave Lydia the mail.

Lydia flipped carelessly though bills and junk mail until she noticed an invitation to her high school reunion. Peaceful Pines, as the small community it is, featured all schools at once for the even; there was Miss Shannon's school for Girls, St. Joseph's Catholic School for Boys, Rathner co-ed military school, and Peaceful Pines public school. The reunion consisted of a daytime picnic with games and evening banquet with dancing. "Hmm… Not going" Lydia declared and threw the invitation in the trash but it slid away and onto the floor.

Victoria, Lydia's fourteen year old daughter; picked up the invitation and read it. "Mother, why do you not wish to attend this reunion?"

"Because Peaceful Pines sucks" Lydia replied and then slumped on the couch. She remembered the constant teasing of a blonde spoiled rich classmate, but that's not really hurt; it was the town peoples overly judgmental reaction to a racy photograph she didn't submit; and then a couple of months after that, her step-mother kicked her out the house for being a pregnant teen; but worst of all, Beetlejuice didn't respond to her calls.

Betty, Lydia's sixteen year old daughter; rollerbladed into the room. She couldn't hear the two over the loud rock music playing on her headphones. "Betty," Lydia called but wasn't heard "Betty!" She called again and still wasn't heard. It wasn't until Victoria threw a throw pillow at her youngest that gained attention.

Betty removed her headphone, music still playing through the speakers "Hey, what's up?" She said and then pointed at her job logo tank top "I gotta job ya'll"

"Juggs?" Lydia frowned, reading the name of a restaurant well known for hiring girls based upon their large bra sizes "You work at Juggs? Do you know that you're only sixteen?"

"Yup," Betty replied proudly "and I can get Vicky an interview too once you sign her job permit."

"I didn't know they allowed fourteen years old to work in that joint" Star said while setting the table.

"Oh yeah," Betty said carelessly waving away "they have a whole of 'em there."

Lydia just shook her head. She wanted Betty to quit the job but after the previous months of comforting what was a long exhaustingly frustrated search, it was just best to be supportive, at least for now. She chose not to say anything and so just sat down and ate.

Victoria, who could read her mother as easily as a book; only chose to say a few words "Congratulations Betty, I hope you do well." She admired her older sister's smile and moved on to the next subject "Mother's going to her high school class reunion" she announced

Lydia spat out her food "Whu? I didn't say that."

"Mother, I think you should attend" Victoria stated and then showed her sister the invitation.

"Sweet" Betty commented simply with a grin

"No, I'm not going" Lydia frowned

"C'mon Lydia," Star intervened "maybe you'll meet your old friends and roll in the grass with a new flame, it might be good for you."

Lydia eyed Star with a raised brow "Is your mind ever out of the gutter?"

"It is, but not at the moment" Star smoothly replied in a melodious tone.

"Mother please," Victoria urged

"C'mon ma, go for it" Betty agreed

Lydia sighed heavily "Oh, ok" she agreed hesitantly.

After desert, Lydia stayed in the dining area sitting in front of the laptop and purchased the reunion ticket and booked her flight and motel reservations. "I should make them come with me," She grumped under her breath. Lydia looked to Star upon entering the room, "What will do while I'm gone?" she questioned. Star grinned in thought; the last time Lydia left for the week they had a party. "It's another stag party, isn't it?"

Star grin grew even wider "How did you know?"

"Lucky guess" Lydia simply replied and then shut down the laptop. "Do you want to watch the midnight movie on channel 6 with me?"

"Not this time, I have a long day tomorrow" Star replied and then began heading toward the rear hall "Goodnight"

"Goodnight" Lydia said and then made her usual rounds. Betty and Victoria, who shared a room, were both asleep. Betty laid on her bed with earphone still playing and Victoria laid on her bed with a book over her face. Lydia turned off Betty's MP3 player and gently removed the earphones, and then removed the book from Victoria's face and placed it on the end table; kissed both girls on the forehead and left the room.


	2. Chapter 2

**F*cked up Reunion**

**Chapter 2**

Two weeks of hit or miss photo assignments in New York is now complete as Lydia boards the plane to Peaceful Pines. The forty-five minute flight felt extremely long; not because their was a chance Lydia may run into the fiery red haired demon her dad married, but because the drunk airline captain had the plane coasting on auto-pilot as he flirted with everyone on board. _"That's what I get for buying a last minute ticket on " _Lydia thought and then became disgusted when the pilot threw up on the aisle, and then passed out. _"Oh boy, I guess that means we're going to die"_ Lydia though sarcastically but then huffed a smile _"Thanks for doing me the favor ole drunk captain"_

"Don't worry folks ," The Lead Flight Attendant spoke "I know how to fly" then pulled a bright yellow 'How to fly a Boeing 707 for Dummies' book for her gym bag.

"Aw Dammit," Lydia cursed under her breath _"I don't wanna be a plane wreck roaming the Neitherworld."_ She spat in thought, seeing many types of ghost who floated about during her youth; it was a sight that wouldn't be forgotten. But surprisingly the plane landed safe and sound, soon pulling into the gateway. "Dammit," Lydia cursed under her breath once more "I survived." She said then shook her head "Next time I won't be so picky."

Peaceful Pines didn't have many on-line motel reservation links and the motel that allowed phone arrangements were overly expensive bed and breakfast mansions on the historic side of town. Lydia settled at a rental trailer park, a site primary for campers and anglers; of course they're a few trailers people purchased to live permanently, but they're just harmless elders, single moms, and that one middle aged guy who scratched his balls on the front porch.

Lydia toured the two trailers in her price rage. The first trailer was clean, but there was something unsettling about it; it made her feel caged in. The second trailer; a double wide, was also fairly decent with its wood paneled walls and its old striped 70's polyester sofa made for a vintage theme Lydia was comfortable with; but she wasn't sure what to think when she noticed the large mirrored ceiling which reflected over the bed. "I'll take this one." She told the park manager and he gave her the keys.

With a long weekend ahead of her, Lydia began shopping. She was never one to be bedazzled by the corporate store chains and tried to avoid them whenever possible, but even in the country side it seems the mom and pop businesses she grew fond of have been demolished and taken over.

Afterwards Lydia went to the park and was relieved to see her beloved spooky tree still stayed strongly rooted to the ground. "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice" She called but still no reply "What happened to you Beej?" She questioned looking to the sky.

"Oh, you're back," A voice spoke along with a breeze and Lydia turned around to see who spoke, and found it was friend and classmate Bertha "Ever since you left, I came to this place everyday after school hoping you would come back. Then after I graduated from college I still came during the holidays." She said then looked to her friend "Why didn't you at least say 'Good-bye'?"

Lydia was staggered; before her stood a well developed Bertha with long hippie hair, a lacy white tunic, and torn but still stylish light denim flares; and not the braces wearing boy crazy girl she grew to know. "There was no time for 'Good-byes' and even if I had the time I was never good with 'Good-byes' in the first place. And who told I ran away? I didn't run away. I was kicked out."

"Well your step-mother –" Bertha began to explain but was cut off.

"You don't even have to finish that sentence… I think I know the rest." Lydia said.

Bertha wanted to say anything to comfort Lydia but only knew half the chapter of Lydia's step-mother hell, so said nothing and gave her a hug " "No matter what others think, I'm glad to see you again."

Lydia and Bertha sit for a while by the spooky tree reminiscing old times; the Halloween dance and the shocked reaction of others when Mr. Beetleman showed as Lydia's date, Bertha's obsession with military school jock Douglas Scott, and how Prudence's campaign for school president got mixed into the campaign run for mayor of Peaceful Pines… And current times; Lydia's two daughters and odd roommate, Bertha's divorce and loss of a son after birth then a journey into the neo-hippy lifestyle, and Claire Brewster locked away in a psychiatric hospital.

"Whuuuut?" Lydia awed in shock, looking with widened eyes. "Why?"

"I didn't really care to find out," Bertha replied bluntly "Rumor around town is she still here."

"Do you visit her?" Lydia asked, knowing how much Bertha adored Claire from afar and the envy of her popularity.

"That bitch can go fuck herself" Bertha said, looking toward the hospital with such hatred and disgust. Lydia knew Bertha wasn't one to cuss and figured Claire did something over the edge awful. "Sorry," Bertha said looking to Lydia remorsefully "I didn't mean to cuss."

"It's ok," Lydia accepted and walked Bertha to her car.

On the way back to trailer park, Lydia made plans to visit the Neitherworld but curiosity got the better of her as she passed the psychiatric hospital. From the outside, the hospital looked like a large stone mansion secluded deep in the woods with a long narrow roadway that lead there. "Oh what the hell," Lydia said aloud, buying into her curious though "at least a can get a taste of what's to come before the actual reunion."

Lydia signed in, got her bags checked by security, and went through the scanner before entering the main lobby. The first floor parlor, which was mostly filled with Alzheimer's patients, was quite extravagant with its shiny cherry wood floors, Victorian décor, and gold plated elevators at the end of the hall. The second floor wasn't the same as the first; it had pastel colored wall paper with furniture to match, just like the living rooms seen in many 1980's soap operas.

The hall pass lead Lydia to room 20, where Claire Brewster sat in front of the tv happily singing along with the theme of the program "… Til one day when the lady met this fella, and they knew it was much more than a hunch, that this group must somehow form a family, and that's the way they became the Brady Bunch. The Brady Bunch. The Brady Bunch. That's the way they became the Brady Bunch." Lydia raised a brow and then cleared her throat loud enough for Claire to hear. The blonde turned around and smiled as she got up from her seat. "Oh, finally…" Claire said giving Lydia a hug and kiss, and long sensual French kiss.

When the kiss broke, Lydia was shocked. Her feet felt as if they were rooted to the floor and she could barely say anything, but tried away "Do… Do you even know me?"

"Hmm…" Claire moaned, probably mellowed out from after lunch medications "I knew you the moment I looked at you, Lydia Deetz. You still wear smoky charcoal eye shadow and shiny black lipstick as you did many years ago." She said and then with a finger tip smeared a reminder of black off her faintly pink painted lips and looked at it. "It's still a cheap brand of lipstick." Then finally poked at Lydia's stomach "Gained a little weight I see,"

Lydia, who was still having an embarrassing 'battle the Budge' after pregnancy, shied away with a frown "You leave my stomach out of this."

"Ok…" Claire simple said, gently urging Lydia to face her "I'll pay attention to your lips instead" and then came another French kiss but this time longer and wetter than the first. Lydia couldn't shake it; she just couldn't shake the shock this blonde, this infamous spoiled rotten conceited brat, was kissing her.

When the kiss broke, Claire gazed so admiring "Oh Lydia, I been hoping someone, anyone, would finally come to visit me; and after six years of waiting, it's you who comes. I'm glad, so glad." She said then held Lydia tight.

Lydia has never been so confused in all her life. _"Hey Lydia,"_ Her own conscious yelled _"The blonde is kissing you, wake up. Earth to Lydia… Lydia! The blonde is… Oh my god, the blonde is fondling our boobs." _Lydia blinked and finally came back to reality "Whu… Whu… Why?"

But before Claire could say anything the orderly came into the room "Visiting hours is over ladies" He informed as he does everyday at 7:30pm.

Claire held Lydia tight as if she never wanted to let go "Please promise to visit tomorrow. I want company."

"_Aww… Look at those poor blue puppy dog eyes. C'mon, you know you're going to agree to it. C'mon… she's in the hospital."_ Lydia's conscious said and the words "Ok, I promise" came from Lydia's mouth. As Lydia walked the hospital, she smacked her own forehead "Damn it, why did I say that? And what the hell just happened back there? Man, I always end up in the weirdest stuff. Oh well... time for a shower and a trip to the Neitherworld."


	3. Chapter 3

**F'cked Up Reunion - Chapter 3**

In the cozy style of the rental trailer, Lydia stood in the shower and still couldn't shake the weird feeling of Claire's sudden intimate touch. "My god I hope that was a part of a prank or something" She said dearly praying it was.

Lydia finished the shower and dried off then opened her backpack for something to wear. Amongst all her black and other dark color clothing stood out a red poncho. She held the poncho to her chest in front of the mirror. "Well that's too small" She said with a disappointed frown.

But with her creative talents in sewing, Lydia made a few minor adjustments and turns a small full body poncho into a medium skirt. She modeled in front of the mirror once more and was quite pleased with the results. After all these years, despite she couldn't fit the garment as a poncho, the color was still crisp and the spider web designs were just as lovely as ever.

Now it was time for Lydia to journey back to her second home. "Even though I should be wary, still I want to venture someplace scary, ghostly haunting I turn loose… Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice." And the simple quaint cozy of a suburban trailer turned into the hollow insides of a grey stoned passageway.

The green mist that filled the hall was thick as it always been, but the echoes of ghostly howls, that has changed. The sound of pain and sorrow as many pass from life to death is almost blood curdling, instead of the haunting yet mystifying moans.

Lydia finally entered the Netherworld. The place hasn't changed much except for the new buildings that weren't there before and the population seemed to have doubled or even tripled over the years. Lydia thought of her daughters, both of which haven't been to the Netherworld since they were very young tots.

The Netherworld has always been dark, filled with mystery at every turn, and the potential for danger always there; but never to the degree has Lydia felt right now.

The Roadhouse, a place Lydia has spent many of her youth, hasn't changed much at all. The yellow neon lights of Beetlejuice's name still illuminated clear across the neighborhood, the metal of the house still was rusty and smelled like burnt charcoal, and the old classic lime green 57' Chevy with its 'Doomie' novelty named license plate, still parked in the driveway.

Lydia knocked on the door and as always Jacques the skeleton, answered. "Bonjour Lydia, It iz long time." He greeted and allowed her to enter and then took notice and knew something was missing from her last visit. " Where are your babies?"

"They're barely babies anymore. Betty is almost sixteen and Violet, or rather Victoria is fourteen." She replied and reached in her purse and gave Jacques a large envelop. "I brought pictures."

Jacques placed the pictures away. "I'll wait and share zem with Ginger once she comes home."

"More tap dancing auditions?" Lydia figured.

"No, no, she iz… how you say… a cigarette bunny at a gentlemen club." He replied and shook his head "She iz in complete denial but I know she does not like it."

"Are you still a personal trainer at the gym?" She asked.

"Pffft… I don't work zere anymore, too much bull with my hours and pay." Jacques said with a careless wave. "I personal train independently and work at a tanning salon"

"A tanning salon?" Lydia retorted "Why is there tanning salon in the Neitherworld?"

"I dunno" He shrugged "Iz very popular to burn away ghostly flesh and there are some skeletons who do it too. Iz weird, no?"

Lydia scratched her head at the ideal, but then again, there were companies in her realm promoting six year old pole dancing classes. "Not weird, it's just plain stupid."

"Oui, oui," Jacques agreed.

Just then, Ginger entered the house. She was so exhausted she didn't see them at first. She flopped on the couch and kicked off all three pairs of her eight inch stilletto work hills. "Oh my back is killin' me" She complained. The night was rough, especially after the club was to packed for all to see guest celebrity, a once alive Beatles band member. "I'll never work a double shift again" She declared and then saw Lydia. "Oh, doll," She smiled and then gestured for her to come closer "let me hava look atcha."

Lydia sat next to the all too well lady spider of the house. "Hi Ginger, it's nice to see you again." She said and gave her a hug.

"Oh doll, I would be more invitin' but" Ginger said then looked away quite ashamed that her energy is not like it was.

"Don't worry about it I understand, believe me I do." Lydia reassured.

"Lydia brought us pictures of her babies," Jacques informed "and we can see zem after dinner"

"I'm sorry sweetie, I'm not in the mood to eat or do too much of anythin' tonight" Ginger said leaving from the couch and entered her room "I'll catch up with you kids later." She said and closed the door.

Lydia looked to Jacques "There's something beyond just being tired, I mean, she doesn't look well at all."

It couldn't be ignored, Ginger's once vibrant violet skin was now a pale purplish grey and her eyes appeared somewhat blind white. "She Iz slowly disintegrating into the next stage of death." Jacques informed. "Iz something we all go through."

The next stage of death. That passage was something Lydia read in 'The Recently Deceased' book, a guide for those who once lived but have died. But Ginger never lived. She was born and existed as a ghost or at least a creature of some sort. "Is the next stage different than the Lost Souls Room?" She questioned.

"For Ginger, it could mean a simple passing on, or a stage to be born into the Living Realm." Jacques replied. "I just want her final moments to be pleasant and not to worry about work." Lydia felt awful and completely helpless. She wanted to help but timing was just so limited. "Don't worry petite, Ginger will be fine." He assured.

During the night, Lydia chose to sleep the night in the Netherworld and slept in Beetlejuice's room on his king size coffin bed. The sheets were clean but they still smelled of smoky cigarette smoke. She looked out the window hoping that he would just come through, just for a moment, so she could give him a hug and chat, but sadly that didn't happen. However there a glimmer of Monster, who lived across the street, getting out of the shower. "Oh" Lydia eeped as she turned away with an embarrassed blush "I didn't mean to see that" She said and peeked again.

"Didn't mean to see what?" The voiced asked from behind and then looked in the same direction she was looking. The monster was still naked as he stood in the bathroom drying himself. "Urrrrggg…. Aw, man… Really?" Lydia turned around and saw it was Beetlejuice standing behind her. "Whoa Lyds, you must be stavin' for a man to peek at that."

"You!" Lydia huffed with a frown and then grabbed a pillow and hit him with it. "You… You…" She huffed as she continued to hit him "Where were you?" She yelled.

"I was in Sandworm Land, where the hell did you think I was?" He countered.

"Why! Why where you there?" Lydia shouted and then hit him with the pillow again.

Beetlejuice cleared his throat and began oh so casual "Well you know... playing in the sand, taking in the hot lovely atmosphere, running away from fuckin' sandworms… That sort of thing."

"I mean, what stupid prank or law did you break?" Lydia questioned. "I needed you, and you…you…" She said and broke down and cried.

"Look Babes, I didn't do nothin'. The sandworm sentence was for past stuff. I didn't wanna fuck up not bein' with you." Beetlejuice assured "Juno said if I didn't serve this sentence, you wouldn't be allowed to pass into the Neitherworld."

"Oh," Lydia lowered, not knowing how serious it was. "Are you totally cleared from all the charges?"

"Nah, I'm scheduled for an exorcisium but I dunno when." He informed and then placed his arms around her "Hopefully not too soon now that I have you."

"Oh Beej, I miss you so much." Lydia said and gave him a kiss. "There's just so much to tell, so much to share, so much –"

Beetlejuice cupped his hand over her mouth. "Lyds, after ten or so years of running away from sandworms, how about more kissin' and less talkin'" He said and got hit with the pillow. He looked at Lydia's disapproved eyes and pouty lips. "Ok, ok… Let's cuddle at least." He said and Lydia was ok with that as she snuggled with him on the bed and fell asleep.

The next morning, Lydia woke in an empty bed. At first she thought it was just a dream that Beetlejuice came back after all these years, which until of course she smelt the heavy smoke of Marlboro cigarettes burning through the hallway. Lydia leapt from the bed and followed the smell down the hall and into the kitchen and found it was Jacques smoking the cigarette as he was cooking breakfast. "Oh," She sighed in disappointment.

"Bonjour Lydia," Jacques greeted and then quickly snuffed out his cigarette. "Forgive me, I forget you don't like ze smoking"

Lydia was only a child when she expressed her dislike about it. "No, no, it's ok, I don't mind. I just don't do it myself."

Just then a loud wolf whistle echoed from the front room. Lydia rushed to the front room and saw Beetlejuice fondling a blonde ghostly woman. Beetlejuice turned to Lydia while still lustfully touching the woman "Are you jealous, Lyds?"

"Why?" Lydia sarcastically questioned and then leaned against the wall oh so uncaringly.

"Because she's a little bustier than you," He teased, grabbing her breast "and more curvy than you" He teased, caressing her hourglass figure "and more…" Beetlejuice stopped once his hands touched upon something not quite right "And more…" It felt a wet sock "And more…" And then bells in Beetlejuice's mind were ringing off and he looked at this woman.

The woman was his same height with blonde hair and green eyes, but not just any green eyes, green eye just like the males of the Juice family. All this study and Beetlejuice still had his hand down there. "Hi Beetlejuice," That voice, that bright straight smile, those eyes, it could only mean one thing. "Would you mind getting' your hand off mah penis now?"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Donny!" Beetlejuice screamed and leapt and then realized something he just did. "I touched his junk!" He screamed with a frown and then lit his own hand on fire. Donny magically pulled a fire extinguisher from out of nowhere and put out the fire. Beetlejuice turned to him and then turned to Lydia.

"Why should I be jealous again?" She asked sarcastically with a raised brow.

"And because you've been in Sandworm Land for some time an' all, I just wanna let you know that incest is still illegal." Donny said from behind. Beetlejuice turned to Donny with such a disgusted stare. "Oh don't you look at me that way, you the one puttin' your hands where it weren't invited."

"What the fuck man?" Beetlejuice yelled and then looked to Lydia. "Oh ho, ho, ho… you got me good, Lyds. That was a pretty sick prank."

"What the hell are you talking about? I didn't prank you and I have no interest in pulling a prank on you." Lydia said folding her arms.

Beetlejuice pondered a bit. "Mah god you're an idiot, Beetlejuice" Donny commented.

"You shuddup." Beetlejuice eyed him. "Why the hell didn't you tell me it was you?"

"Well I can't say too much of nothin' with your hand over mah mouth, now could I?" Donny pointed out.

"Shit" Beetlejuice hissed under his lip and then studied him more. Donny looked like a real woman but he wasn't dressed at all like a goody two shoes, he looked more like an s&m domme as he wore a short shiny black vinyl dress and matching thigh high boots. "Pre-Op or Post-Op?" Beetlejuice asked figuring Donny got a sex change.

"No operation," Donny confirmed "it's just a harmless drag gig."

Just then the door bell rang and Beetlejuice entered. Lydia and Beetlejuice were amazed of how many odd characters entered the house. Somebody was dressed in a chicken suit and another person had blue and red cherry bombs smoking out of their ass and more. Sooner or later even Fuzzo the clown rollerbladed into the house, blowing animal balloons while asshole naked.

"Hey Lyds, let get the fuck outta –" Beetlejuice said and noticed she was gone. He took a look around and found her gawking, actually gawking pleasantly in amazement at all these sudden weird characters.

"Attention everyone, attention" Jacques announced standing next to Ginger, gaining everybody's attention "Ginger my dearest, iz a last minute surprise, I know, but I want you to know that you have been a great, and dare I say, sexiest roommate I every had. Now let as all wish her well on her final Happy Death Day."

The horns blown off as the confetti rained down from the ceiling and cheering yelled all around. Beetlejuice was shocked, he didn't know his longtime roommate and victim to his pranks was actually dying-dying. He looked to Lydia who was crying, and Donny who came to comfort her.


End file.
